My Dear Freind

 

Originally, I had planned to share stories about my trip. My trip was amazing, and it was wonderful to reunite with my family. I hope I don't have to wait another seven years to visit. Who knows how much time we have on this planet. This post does not directly discuss autism. If you're interested in learning about autism, please refer to my previous posts or find a reputable book on the subject. You can find a book recommendation in my previous post.

Instead, I will discuss a close friend of mine. His name is Morgan Griffin. I met him during a shift, either during closing or opening... He worked overnight, so I would see him in the morning at 6 am as I arrived and he departed. This would also occur whenever I worked the closing shift in my department. Initially, we were aware of each other's presence but occupied with our individual tasks. As time passed, our responsibilities started to overlap, leading to increased communication between us. He stocked products on the shelves and overhead while I worked in my department. One evening, he took me aside and shared with me his hydrocephalus. He offered to lend an ear if I ever needed someone to talk to. We stood there, comparing scars for a while. His scar was located at the back of his head, whereas mine was on the front. We couldn't have a lengthy conversation at work, but we did compare the number of brain surgeries. I have undergone three surgeries, while he has undergone ten. I used to take pride in having undergone three brain surgeries and still being able to function like a normal person. However, my perspective changed when Morgan disclosed that he had undergone ten surgeries. Ten brain surgeries hit me right in the heart. I cannot recall how he found out about my shunt. I may have mentioned it to him while we were working together, or he might have overheard me discussing it with someone else. I am grateful that he shared his experience with hydrocephalus because I had never met anyone else with the condition until I met him. My sister met her friends, but I never had the chance to meet them. When you live with a rare condition like hydrocephalus, regardless of how many people you know and surround yourself with, you can't help but feel alone.

Hydrocephalus is a condition where fluid accumulates on the brain. If you have this condition, you will need to undergo brain surgery and have a shunt tube inserted to drain fluid from the brain. If you have this condition, you may need to undergo multiple brain surgeries throughout your life, with some individuals requiring more surgeries than others. Reasons for shunt failure can vary, including growth spurts, poor acceptance by the body, or shunt breakage caused by rapid fluid buildup from tumor formation and rupture. Individuals are also susceptible to seizures and vertigo.

Our bond strengthened after that. We supported and protected each other. I helped him with tasks that he couldn't do, like putting the boxes in the overhead compartment. He would remind me that I shouldn't have to do this, despite my offer to help. I would respond with a simple, "Oh, I know," and continue helping him. He would occasionally help me by getting the paint I needed for last-minute customer orders. One time, I prevented him from climbing a ladder to reach a paint can on a high shelf. He has vertigo, so he should avoid using ladders. I once helped a customer find a specific paint that was just out of reach, so I had to use a small ladder. Just as I say, "I'll need a ladder," he quickly jumps up and grabs it down. In that instant, I simply gazed at him and inquired, "Are you taller than me?" He looks back at me and firmly says, "No." The customer, who had been standing with us the whole time and was taller than both of us, simply nodded and kept affirming, "Yeah, he is." After putting the paint down, he exclaims that he is only slightly taller than me and that it depends on the shoes he is wearing. At this point, I found it amusing because he didn't need to explain anything to me. I admitted that I hadn't realized it until now and I was surprised by his ability to reach such a high level. If I needed assistance lifting a five-gallon container from a shopping cart. Sometimes, customers leave a five-gallon container of paint in the shopping cart, and these containers can be very heavy. I can lift them from the floor but if I lift them from a shopping cart I'll break my back. I had to ask Morgan a couple of times for a quick favor. Just as I start heading over to the cart and say, "I'll take one side and you grab the other," he effortlessly grabs the entire thing and pulls it out, placing it on the floor. Meanwhile, I'm left standing there, thinking to myself, "Wow, I meant for us to work together, not for you to do it all by yourself." But all I manage to say is, "Oh, wow!" Thanks! I was going to help.” He would respond with “Oh, I know, no worries.”

It wasn't every day that we would be able to talk. We both had to prioritize our work responsibilities. We would often find ourselves working and talking on the same aisle. He would tell me about his mom and how she provided hippotherapeutic riding lessons to kids on the spectrum. He also mentioned that he received unofficial therapy sessions by learning how to ride at her center. He also stated that due to his upbringing being surrounded by people on the spectrum, he didn't even have to ask and that he knew that I was on the spectrum just by looking at me. I thought that was impressive.

He then begins telling me about the horses he grew up with. One horse that he grew up with and was very close to was named Apollo; he absolutely loved this horse. Apollo would greet Morgan every time he came out to the barn. He informed me that Apollo became ill and had to be euthanized. He witnessed the event and it held great significance for him to be present during Apollo's last moments of life. He then showed me a picture of another beautiful horse, stating that she belonged to him until his family had to sell her due to his mom's battle with cancer. He stated that he knows the owner and that they have no problem with him coming to visit her, and that she still recognizes him. He stated that he plans to find time to visit her and asked if I wanted to come along. I said "yes" when I asked if it was okay for my husband to come along, to which he replied, "of course". I also shared pictures of my horse, Sam Sweet, and mentioned that I haven't seen him since 2012. He is currently in Nashville, TN, working as a hippotherapy horse. I miss him very much, but I am very happy with his new direction. While I was staying with my aunt on the farm, he would constantly follow me. "Yes, they will do that when they form a strong bond with you," Morgan simply says. After my shift ended, I bid him a good night and advised him not to overexert himself. I was so excited about our conversation about horses that I immediately told my husband and started looking for riding pants and barn boots. It has been a while since I had a genuine conversation about horses that made me feel so excited. However, I also knew that it was best to wait until we went for the first time.

I came across a full-time position opening at another store and decided to apply for it. I informed Morgan about it. He was thrilled on my behalf. I didn't want us to lose touch, so we exchanged phone numbers and found each other on Facebook. I informed him about the store I planned to transfer to and mentioned that he lives nearby. Later that night, I informed my husband, who also works at the same store, about Morgan's proximity to our home. He mentioned that the store needs good employees, so we both decided to convince him to transfer as soon as I did. This way, he would be closer to home. Unfortunately, I didn't get the full-time position and never transferred. Additionally, Morgan mentioned that the reason he likes the store he works in is because they were supportive of him during the time his mom was dealing with cancer. Therefore, I didn't push him about transferring. We discussed her briefly. I was aware that she had passed away from cancer a few years ago, and it was evident that her loss deeply affected him. He told me that she fought the cancer off multiple times, but it kept returning. Eventually, she grew weary and surrendered. It was incredibly hard for him to witness the strongest woman he knew give up so easily. I tried to offer sympathy by saying, "Sometimes giving up is the most difficult thing," but I could see that my words didn't bring any comfort. I quickly apologized and stood there in silence for a minute. I informed him that I have had family members on both sides who have passed away from cancer, with my grandmother being the most recent. Cancer is so prevalent in my family that it no longer surprises me. It is still sad and concerning for those who contract it, but it no longer surprises me.

We both wanted to transition to a happier topic, so we started talking about our hobbies again. I always mention this blog to him which he very much supported, but this time I had the chance to learn more about his hobbies. He tells me about working in IT and going to University to study film. I compare myself to Dee-Dee, Dexter's Lab sister when it comes to computers. I press a button and it blows up, but he didn't believe me. He then tells me that he enjoys playing video games and is currently working on creating his own game. As soon as he tells me this my brain went straight to “I need to introduce him to my husband.” My husband is also creating a video game that happens to be similar to his idea. I needed to arrange a meeting between them.

The next evening arrived, and I realized that I had a Saturday off ahead of me. Without hesitation or doubt, I invited him to dinner. We were both excited about the weekend. He was asking about which games we would be interested in playing, and I was asking him about his food preferences and any allergies he may have. He mentioned that he was raised in a New York Italian family and has a deep passion for food. Once before he expressed his love of cooking and how he could go through someone's pantry and just throw something together, but he doesn't have access to a kitchen. It saddens me that he was not able to cook the way he wanted, having only access to a microwave at home. It was then I told him that if he wanted to he was welcome to come over to use mine. But this time, I'm cooking dinner. I also inquire about his allergies to ensure that I avoid anything he cannot consume. He specifically warns me not to give him mushrooms, as they may cause digestive distress. I laughed and said “Oh is that all!” and proceeded to tell him about my gluten and dairy allergies, and that staying away from mushrooms won't be a problem. I spoke to Frankie about inviting Morgan over when I got home that night. Normally, I talk to him first about inviting people over before doing so. However, inviting Morgan over was one of those impulsive moments where my instincts told me it was the right thing to do, so I went ahead and invited him over. Fortunately, Frankie was fully supportive, just as I had expected.

The following day, I went grocery shopping, keeping in mind that Morgan enjoys fish and pasta. I had a clear idea of what dish to prepare. I was eager to showcase my cooking skills, as I rarely have friends over who share the same passion for cooking. The competitive side of me emerged. The next time he comes over, though, he will be cooking. Just a thought.

On Saturday, I sent him my address via text message. No response, but I assumed that he was asleep anyway because he had been working from 9 p.m. to 6 a.m. Throughout the day, I clean and prepare for dinner. When my husband arrived home, I realized I had forgotten to inquire about Morgan's availability. I called him around 5 p.m., unintentionally waking him up. Oops! I tried my hardest not to laugh. The reason I was laughing is because I can relate. I once worked a night shift from 3:30 p.m. to 5:20 a.m. Afterward, I slept throughout the day and woke up to my husband returning home from work. We exchanged confused looks, as he questioned why I was still in bed and I questioned why he was home from work. I apologized for waking Morgan up and asked if he could still come over. He assured me that there was no problem and that he would be on his way.

It was evident that he was nervous upon his arrival. He even mentioned that he doesn't go out often because of work. We ensured that he felt welcome. Once he felt at ease, he enthusiastically expressed his appreciation for the meme I sent him. The meme showed Scar from Disney's The Lion King, with text above him saying, "Me at work, deciding whether to respond seriously or sarcastically to a stupid question..." At that moment, he recited the entire monologue from Scar's opening scene in The Lion King. One of the games he brought with him was Disney Trivia and Rick and Morty DND. Unfortunately, we never got around to playing the games. Instead, we spent the entire evening deepening our connection and getting to know each other even better.

I start making dinner shortly after he arrives. For dinner, I decided to have scallops in an avocado sauce that I created recently. I served it with noodles. This was only my second time making this sauce. As I finish cooking, Morgan enters the kitchen, still feeling a bit anxious about being around unfamiliar faces, since it was his first time meeting my husband Frankie and my roommate, John. He mentioned that due to working overnight, they don't have much free time and spends it mostly gaming. I did everything possible to make him feel welcome. So I allowed him to sample the sauce. "Oh my god, if you weren't already married, I'd snatch you up right now," he exclaimed enthusiastically as he pulled me into a hug. I was flattered by his compliment.

Morgan was an expressive individual who openly shared his feelings, whether they were platonic or not. He was completely open about his true identity. I adored him for it.

Frankie and I were fully aware of Morgan's feelings towards me. I made sure to be open with Frankie about Morgan and the significance of our friendship to me. Morgan and I had so much in common that it seemed unreal. Not only did we share common interests in hydrocephalus, ADD, and a love for horses, but we also both practiced martial arts. We both worked for office supply companies, Staples and OfficeMax Office Depot. We share a love for Disney, Harry Potter, and reading. We discussed various books we have read. I had just finished reading "The Discovery of Witches" and mentioned that it took me a whole day to get through three chapters. He said, "That's impressive, given my condition." Which condition are you referring to? He found it impressive that, considering my autism and my constantly active mind, I was able to focus and read effectively. I simply nod and say that I definitely felt drained afterward. He then mentions speed reading through the Twilight series, and I am impressed. I tell him that I attempted to read the series, but it was too slow for my liking.

After finishing our meal, we moved into the living room. Let's discuss Disney and family vacations. He mentions that his family has a Disney membership and they frequently visit the park. He shared a story about going on a ride with his two nieces. In the middle of the ride, his body suddenly collapsed. His nieces held his hand and reassured him, saying, "It's okay, Uncle Morgan. Everything will be alright." I explain to him that going to Disney will be difficult for me because it reminds me of the last time I saw my Opa before he passed away and just before my last brain surgery. I shared with him the difficult experience of witnessing my mother cope with her father's battle with cancer while also receiving a diagnosis of autism myself. He sympathized and offered to create an itinerary for us if I decide to go again. I then suggest that he simply join us. Eventually, it got so late that I struggled to stay awake. So, I converted the couch into a bed and suggested that Morgan sleep on it. Then, Frankie and I went to bed. I woke up at 4am the next morning due to the noise of the guys chitchatting. I decided to get up and make breakfast. Morgan expressed gratitude for our hospitality and excitement about finding his community. I was delighted to hear that he had a great time and felt welcomed. He even left his Disney trivia game with us because he didn't have anyone to play it with, hoping that we would play it. I agreed enthusiastically, and the same was true for me when it came to Harry Potter Trivia. After agreeing to play a couple of games of trivia one day, he leaves just as Frankie leaves for work.

A few days later, I discover that our Dungeons and Dragons (DND) group is planning to meet on a Saturday, so I asked about the possibility of inviting Morgan. He said it would depend on how Friday goes at work, as on Fridays he typically receives pallets of paint from the truck and must break them down. It is usually a difficult night for him due to his condition. However, that never deterred him. Every week, when I closed, I would see him walking in with a stack of carts, a cane, supplements, and a jug of water. Some nights he uses a cane, while other nights he doesn't use it at all. Regardless of how he feels, he effortlessly transitions from relying on the cane to lifting heavy paint buckets and boxes.

One evening, I came into work for a short 5-hour shift. The operating hours are from 5 PM to 10 PM. As I walk in with a few minutes to spare, I receive a phone call. Normally, I ignore spam messages, but this one caught my attention because the ringtone was too specific. The sound track playing was "Duel of the Fates" from Star Wars. Only one person would call me with that ringtone, and that person was Morgan. He recently told Frankie about taking leave from work because his vertigo was acting up. He was absent for several months as well. It was a smart idea for him to do so because it is impossible to perform your job safely if your body keeps collapsing. I didn't have any way to contact him at the time, and I was worried. I expressed my concerns to him. When I answered his phone call, he informed me that he had called out because of nerve pain. I, having limited knowledge about nerve pain, asked questions such as, "What can be done?" He explains that he woke up in pain and can only take pain medication. I then start thinking of mussel pain and suggest soaking in a tub of epsom salt thinking that it may help. He said no that wont help but pain reliever will. So I just say well then do that and get some rest, as if he was mine to order around. He then expresses gratitude, saying, "Thank you for looking after me." I simply say your welcome.

Later that night just an hour before my shift ended. The overnight manager waves me over to him. Hey, we are a man down, I nod my head and say I've heard, with no mention of how. Morgan's and I friendship was no business of anyone at work. Can you stay for an hour or so working on the pallets of paint? he continued on. Just till 11 p.m. or so. I could have declined, but since I knew the person I was covering for and I was about to leave for Germany for two weeks, I decided to accept the offer because I needed the money. I responded, "Let me discuss it with my husband first." I step off to call Frankie. Guess who just called out and who they asked to fill in for him. I chuckle at Frankie, finding the whole situation amusing. That's too funny says Frankie. So what are you thinking of doing?, he continued on. I then tell him that we could use the extra money so I'm going to do so. I hate it when I have to work late, mainly because Frankie has to work in the morning and doesn't go to sleep until I get home. But we need the money and I'll take the extra hours wherever I can until we find other means of income elsewhere.

Once I hang up I get straight to working the pallets. There were two pallets of 5 galleons and two pallets of single gallons and quarts of paint. I start with the five gallons, because they are larger, and there for fewer of them compared to the signal gallons and I can get through faster. As I start, my adrenaline kicks in and I find myself in a rhythm, losing track of time. Morgan would see that I tend to get locked into my work and would remind me to slow down and pace myself whenever I would work on one of the pallets with him. Normally I would have at least one that I would be required to work on. As I get into the second pallet I find that it's 12 am. I just worked a whole extra hour. I reach for my phone to call Frankie, and as I do my phone goes off it was Frankie beating me to the punch. “Hey I was just about to call, I tell him. Don't wait up for me it's going to take me longer than I thought.” “Do you know how late it is? You worked later than the agreed time. "They can't keep you longer than the agreed time," he said. I agreed with him, but I was also halfway down the second pallet. It contained single gallons, colorants for the machine, samples, and one quart. I tell him give me a few minutes hopping that it doesn't take me so long. I also didn't want him to stay up any later. Just before ending the call, I jokingly tell Frankie to call Morgan and inform him that I am taking over his duties. Later, I discovered that he actually did. That made me laugh. It was a decent conversation, I'm sure. The two have a good relationship.

Throughout the night, my mind was consumed by thoughts of Morgan and Frankie. I'm worried about Frankie because I know he'll stay up for me and lose sleep. Morgan frustrated me by calling out. I was well aware that it wasn't his fault. They could have found an alternative solution to cover his shift. He simply called in sick. "Everyone does that." I still wanted to sprinkle powdered mushroom into his food, despite the fact that it would cause him an allergic reaction and inconvenience me with a clogged toilet. I finished by 2am. How is it already 2am? I made myself stop at that point. I texted the group with Frankie, Morgan, and John that I am coming home, and I called my husband when I left work. I'm exhausted and I'm coming home. "Are you okay to drive?" he asks me. Despite feeling exhausted, I had an overwhelming rush of adrenaline that made me feel like I could stay awake all night. However, I also felt like I could crash at any moment. “Yes I'm good to drive not like I have any choice in the matter.” I then here another incoming call. It was Morgan. I wait to answer once I got off the phone with my husband and into my car before calling him back. When I called him back, the first thing I heard was, "I am so sorry they did that to you." Are you ok? "It's not your fault," I reassure him. Well thanks for filling in for me. Don't worry about it plus I needed the hours. "What are you still doing up?" Shouldn't you be resting with the pain your in? I am currently resting because I slept until 6pm this evening. Oh yeah that's right you sleep during the day. I'm currently driving, so I'll hang up now and catch up with you later.”

I entered and discovered that both Frankie and John were still awake. I was concerned about Frankie not getting enough sleep for his upcoming shift, but I was relieved when he greeted me warmly. John suggests that I sit down and watch something happy before going to bed, after a few minutes of venting. We sit down to watch an episode of Doctor Who. As we continue watching, Morgan calls again. "Hey, I just wanted to check if you arrived safely." "Yes, I did. Thank you." "Hey, now that I have both Morgan and Frankie here, there's something I need to tell you," I say, addressing both of them. "You both deserve better." "No, he doesn't," Morgan interrupts abruptly. "He already has you." I found his comment endearing. I meant in terms of my career. "I understand your intention, but I felt the need to express it." I thanked him for the compliment. Frankie interrupts, "Hey, we need to go to sleep." "We'll see you later when you come over," he fully understood that we were saying goodbye for now. We finish watching the episode and then go to bed.

I woke up late that morning, as expected. I begin cleaning and preparing for guests to arrive. It was game night, and Morgan was coming over along with our friends from the upstairs apartment. They have never met Morgan before, so I'm hoping that everything works out. I try not to make a big deal out of things and just focus on cleaning up as much as I can. I also had to delete the photos from my SD cards before my trip to Germany. I asked John if he knew what time Morgan would arrive. "Around 5pm," John says. The night before, I informed him that I would be home and he was welcome to come over and hang out at 12/1 pm if he wanted. "Oh, okay. So a time has been set. Good to know." Frankie surprises me by coming home early. Just as we are about to sit down and watch TV, I hear something outside the door. I open the door and see Morgan ascending the stairs. "Oh, hi! I thought you were coming later. Come in." Thinking he was still in pain, I quickly let him inside to sit down. I still had unfinished tasks, so I couldn't immediately sit down. However, the guys needed to update him on the campaign's progress anyway. I finished my chores and sorted through my photos before joining in. Fortunately, it didn't take long for me to settle down and join in.

Once everyone shows up and introductions were made we all sit down and begin to introduce our characters. “This round I'm playing a fairy Rouge that only hovers” ,I say as I turn my head to our Dungeon Master and give him a look of annoyance. “What's the matter Lena?” says John our Dungeon Master teasingly. “I'm a fairy that can't fly that's whats the matter” I continue on. “You will gain the ability to fly later”, he then tells me. “Oh good, Why didn't you tell me that before? Meanwhile can someone please throw me?” I say while manly looking at Morgan because everyone said no already. Morgan is just laughing. He finally gets to introduce his character. “She is an elf fighter with gold designs on her armor in the shoulders,” he says going into full detail on his character. I thought that it was intriguing that he chose fighter. It didn't surprise me at all. I played the same kind of character the last time we played; Elf Fighter. We both essentially created the same kind of character, except for different minor details. Yes I know what your thinking, Lena that's bound to happen because it's a common character to play. But please continue reading because hears were I am coming at. It's more about our mind set weaving in and out of our fantasies. When you live with potentially fatal health conditions such as Hydrocephalus you kind of forced to go into the mindset of I need to fight to stay alive and prove that I am capable. Because you find yourself facing not only people with there ignorance of the condition but the fact that this thing in your head; your shunt can go off any time, you can hit your head just hard enough, seizure with no one around to help either in your sleep or awake or it just fails at any given time and if that happens as your sleeping your just gone. Essentially its as if your walking around with your own personal time bomb. But you also find yourself thinking well if that didn't kill me then nothing will when something major happens such as falling down and busting your head on tile floor at 4am, or you find your self in the hospital with bleeding on the brain because you were in a car crash. You don't exactly wish to be invincible but you kind of feel like it because somewhere inside you, you find a strong will to live because the will to live is the one thing that we can control and we hang on tight and for as long as we can. For those who like to day dream or create characters if you live in that mindset you find yourself fantasizing a character that has that same mind set as you. At least that is how it is for some people out there. We honestly want to feel strong and capable.

We start playing the game. We engage in a massive battle against monsters and other creatures. Various events occurred and statements were made. We laughed and sang.

We consumed food and beverages. It was a fantastic evening.

Towards the end, I found it difficult to stay awake, as I often do with games that require a lot of concentration. After the game ends, my two friends quickly dart out of our apartment and into theirs to get some sleep. I am feeling overwhelmed. Morgan is naturally more alert than the rest of us, which is to be expected when working overnight. Morgan and I quickly review our schedules, realizing that we won't be able to hang out until after Frankie and I return from Germany. I opened one morning but then I think I closed the next day. My schedule is constantly chaotic and it's draining.

He then informs me that he will be on vacation for the same week as us. I suggest to him, "Hey, I know you like sticking to a routine, but it would be good for you to get out during your time off, even if it's just for a few minutes." He looks at me with amusement and asks, "Are you my mother?" I laugh and reply, "I'm just saying, make the most of your time off and enjoy the daylight outside." We then walk with him to his truck and bid him good night.

I spot him as I start my next shift, just as he's about to leave. "Guten Morgen, Morgan." I enjoy greeting him in German in the morning. When I was first learning his name he gave me a trick and that's by remembering Guten Morgen Morgan. "Hey Tinkerbell," he said. "Why are you calling me Tinkerbell?" I asked. Remember this past weekend when we played DND. Then it clicked with me. I began to laugh. He called me Tinkerbell because my character is a fairy. "I appreciate that, thank you." Glad that you had fun. We should definitely do that again. We then exchange goodbyes, and he always reminds me to contact him if I need anything. "I nod and say, 'Will do.'"

That was the last time I saw him before I left for Germany. We texted each other. Actually that Friday the day before I left I had to work the closing shift and when I didn't see him come in at 9pm I texted “were are you, you ok?” He text back “yeah I'm fine my vocation started today”. With relief I text him back oh I forgot that your vocation started today.” Funny thing is that I accidentally made him worry the other day. I get home the other day at 6pm and send him a funny meme about co workers hiding instead of working. He responds, "That's not a good idea." You shouldn't be hiding Were are you? Are you even here? The only one I see is Joe.” I then realized that I accidentally had my scheduled wrong and originally told him that I closed that night. I sent him a text apologizing for causing him to worry. I explained that I made a mistake about the closing time and that I was actually scheduled until 6pm, not 10pm. I reassured him that I am safe at home. We exchanged a few texts during the trip. I let him know that we got to the airport and sent him a link to a tick tock video that I made as well as airplane memes. He enjoyed the video and found the memes amusing. Made some humorous comments in response. I also texted him to let him know that we arrived safely in Germany. A few days later, he texts me a "Happy Birthday." I haven't heard from him since then. At the conclusion of my trip, I decided to send him a meme to express my return to work. No response... Hopping that he is ok I send him another once we were back in Atlanta. Still no response. Not wanting to worry and over think, I tell myself that I'll see him Monday morning.

I go in to work on Monday. I briefly look around for his truck. When I didn't see it, I assumed that I was still half asleep and missed it. Just after I clock in I go looking for him. He's not in the brake room washing up like he normally does just before he goes. I then go over to the paint department to see if he was talking to who ever is opening. Not there neither, odd. Not wanting to waste time, I went to work assuming he had already left for the day and unaware that it was my first day back. I then start talking to a coworker mentioned that I looked for Morgan but, and just as I was about to say he must have went home I hear my coworker say, OH he died last week. Not wanting to believe him I went to confirm this with a manger. She then verifies this to be true. “They say that he died from a seizure in his sleep. They found him alone in bed.” The words echoed in my head. My heart shattered. They then showed me his obituary and assured me that his funeral was brief and heartfelt. My face soaked with tears I was no longer able to fight them off.

I hate the fact that he was alone. He didn't deserve to be alone. This man deserved better in numerous ways. He deserved better then the pain that he dealt with everyday. A part of me desires his return, but it would be cruel to wish someone away from their heavenly peace and back into a world of pain. He, like myself, has surpassed the expected lifespan and lived life to the fullest. He always made sure to express his love and care for the people he valued. If he saw that something bothered you he would go out of his way to make sure your alright. This man has a hart of gold and deserves his peace.

He is now reunited with his mom and his horse Apollo for eternity. I constantly see his ghost wherever I go because I deeply miss him. I find myself anticipating his presence at work and in my apartment. I knew him for a year, but it feels like a lifetime. We were just beginning to acquaint ourselves, yet it feels as though we have been familiar with each other for much longer.

My coworker Wanda mentioned that when he returned from vacation, he had a big smile on his face and shared with her about spending time with his nieces, even showing her some pictures. It made me incredibly happy to hear that he was able to leave the house and spend time with the people he loved.

It is evident from the length of this blog that saying goodbye is challenging for me. Every story has a beginning and an end.

My dear friend, I will see you when the time comes, as I believe that our paths will cross again when my journey concludes. For now, I leave yellow roses for you, my friend. Your battle is now coming to an end, so take some time to rest. Once again, we will have sake to drink and stories to share when I see you again. But for now, I will continue fighting until the end of my story. "So therefore, I say, I will see you when I see you, my dear friend."

Morgan Griffin

August 9, 1981- July 26, 2023

I admit that I found these photos on his Facebook page. I know that they don't do him justice, but I didn't really think of taking a photo of him while we hung out. I wished that I did.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5mtR9qoISPU