Interview with Mrs. Shelby Hailstone Law

 

I have been working on something special for this blog post. I attended the Independent Book Fair in Marietta, Georgia, a few months ago. This was my first time going. I walked to many tables and networked like crazy. I even broke my budget for books. Lesson learned: expect to spend money, as if I didn’t know this already.  While at this event, I met this young woman (an author, wife, and mother), Mrs. Shelby Hailstone Law, who has written many books: the Scaleshifter Series, Lady Thief, Birthright Unknown, and Death Flirts Back, which I am currently reading.

 

When she spoke about being on the spectrum during a seminar on writing fantasy, her next book’s main character is on the spectrum. I knew that I had to reach out to her. Much to my luck, she graciously agreed to let me interview her for this blog post.

 

Death Flirts Back is about a woman, Abigail, whose family is watched by reapers. For years, Abigail has had reapers follow her but never talk, until one day all that changes….

 

I am not telling you the ending. For one, I can’t, as I’m not there yet. Two, there is no fun in spoiling. You need to read it yourself. So, break the bank and buy this book. You can find her books on Amazon.

 

 

 

 

I am having so much fun reading this book. Growing up with life-threatening health conditions, I have always liked the idea of greeting death as a friend when my time comes. I can fully relate to Abigail’s determination to live a full life. Death and the Grim Reaper are often perceived as the enemy or the dark, sad end, but Mrs. Shelby Hailstone Law perceives the Grim Reaper as a guide from one phase to the next. Reminding us that death is not necessarily an enemy.

 

Honestly, I’ve been having a hard time finding a decent book to read, and dare I say Death Flirts Back is to die for. It is worth reading, and I look forward to reading another of her many fantasy adventures.

 

Here are her detailed answers to my questions. I hope you find them inspiring, as they have inspired me:

 

What inspired you to write a story focusing so heavily on death?

 

I had the idea for this story years ago, and anytime I get a good story idea, I write it down until I feel like I'm in the right headspace to do it justice. In the months surrounding Death Flirts Back's release, I lost two grandparents after I'd watched their slow slide into the throes of dementia. My husband also unexpectedly lost his grandfather just before I started the rough draft of this book. We went to a lot of funerals and did a lot of prepping and planning for others. Death was quite literally a companion for me and my family.

 

What made you want to perceive the Grim Reaper as a companion?

 

I've never seen death as a bad thing. In the religious tradition I grew up in, it's more like a temporary physical separation but never a full separation. I'm a big believer in the idea that those we lose are never far from us. So, coming from a place where death is more of a veil than a door slammed shut, I guess I've always imagined that if someone's job is to guide people to the other side, they wouldn't be mean about it.

Did you do any research on the lore of the Grim Reaper? What are some fun things you found?

 

I didn't necessarily research lore, but I did have a good time looking for pictures for the front cover before I picked the graveside flower I did. There are so many different cultural depictions of death worldwide, ranging from fearsome to celebratory, and the Grim Reaper pictures reflected that!

With being on the spectrum, how did you come to find out you are autistic?

 Well, I met and befriended a couple of women who are on the spectrum, and the more we hung out, the more they gently prodded me about the possibility that I was autistic too and that my "quirks" and "panic attacks" had another name. As it turns out, most people don't keep careful track of the percentage of time everyone is speaking to ensure they're doing conversations "right"! Most people don't curl up in crying balls because they can hear electric appliances humming, and the world is too loud on days when emotional regulation is hard!

Then, my son was born, and he was so clearly autistic that we had no trouble getting him diagnosed. He has the "classic" signs that you'd see on TV: he hits his head, couldn't say more than five words when he was diagnosed, is brilliant to the point that he taught himself to read at age two, that kind of thing. I casually mentioned to the psychologist we were seeing that I wondered if he got his autism from me, since I know there's a genetic component, he tells me that I couldn't possibly be autistic, because autistic people will never be good at conversations, that I was too good at talking to him.

(Never mind that I practiced for days on what to say to him!)

I was honestly turned off to getting a professional diagnosis at that point, because I didn't have the time or resources to go looking for a new psychologist. Not to mention the barriers a diagnosis could throw up when so many people still stigmatize it, and I didn't have the energy to deal with anything more than what was already on my plate.

Eventually, I was able to take a RAADS test, and I was genuinely surprised at how high I scored on it. Turns out my friends were right! (I'd thought going into it that I'd probably score somewhere in the range where it could be autism or not, and I was prepared to investigate other explanations for why I felt like everyone else had the answers to the test of socializing... but nope, I got over 100.)

I haven't been able to pursue an official diagnosis, though. Maybe down the road when I have more time and resources to devote to myself instead of to my kids (I have a five- and six-year-old who obviously take up a lot of time and priority for me), I'll try to find a psychologist who doesn't dismiss me like that first doctor did. For now, I've been learning a lot more about myself just being on the ride with my son, and I've been totally stealing coping mechanisms that he's been learning for myself. They help! Noise-canceling headphones and earplugs are a game-changer.

 

What challenges did you face growing up with autism, and how did you overcome them?

 

The hardest part for me was that I grew up in the 90s and early 00s, when the prevailing wisdom was that girls couldn't be autistic, so I was called anxious and shy but also overbearing and rude. I felt like I couldn't do anything right (when it came to socializing and making friends)! I distinctly remember one time in high school being told that I spoke like I was writing a business letter. That kind of thing sticks with a person.

I did what most 90s girls did and just tried my best to fit in. I read books and would take mental notes about the way dialogue worked. One book's protagonist had been socially isolated and had to learn how to communicate, and I remember feeling like a secret had been unlocked when she described conversations as turn-taking storytelling vehicles. I still don't know that I'm good at socializing, but I'm good at small talk now from lots of practice. Oh, and I'm practically an open book. I never did figure out the social rules around when you're supposed to share things about your life.

Thankfully, even though I really struggled to make friends and feel like I was "good" at talking to other people, the few friends I did have were amazing. It helped that we were all in the "gifted" classes at school, so I don't think any of us there were neurotypical. I don't know that I could have survived without my AP classes and bank geek friends.

 

Is there anything you do that helps you work with your autism, as far as scheduling things, dieting, or any habits you have?

 

Everything in my head is a constant list, so I'm pretty strict about my routine. It usually takes me a full minute to digest any deviation from that routine, and thankfully, I have an understanding husband who can see when I get the panicked Bambi look if something unexpected comes up and gives me the time I need to recover from the disruption. I'm very lucky that I have him as a support, because he helps me through the pure panic of something unexpected, so that it doesn't make me cry like it would have when I was younger. Ever since understanding that my panic reaction is from routine disruption and not just from generalized anxiety, I actually have less anxiety, because I know what the problem is and can name it and talk myself through it. I was a super high-strung kid before I knew what was going on! It helps that I can set my own schedule as an adult now, too, and I'm getting better at being okay with telling people "no" or at leaving a conversation un-replied-to long enough to digest it.

I learned to be okay with stimming, too. I do a lot of public speaking, and if you ever get the chance to see me do something like that in person, you'll see me rubbing circles into the palm of my hands while shifting my weight to different feet. If I'm sitting, I'm sitting on my feet because the pressure is really soothing. Letting myself move or sit weird or hold onto my toes if I'm on a couch for some reason makes me better able to engage in conversation!

I also can't sing the praises of noise-canceling earplugs enough. I think I spent a full year wearing earplugs in public places when my personal life was so stressful that I couldn't handle sensory input on top of other stresses.

 

 

What overstimulates you?

Noise.

Seriously, the world is so loud. And I feel like it's getting worse. I don't know if I'm just more aware of the problem or if the rest of the world has stopped caring about volume control or what, but I feel like I had a better handle on not reacting to noise when I was younger. It's not like I need the world to be completely silent, either. It's just that if there's too much at once, I can't handle it. I remember nearly breaking down crying in church once because someone sitting behind me was making a weird lip-smacking sound that didn't seem to bother anyone else.

Earplugs. I cannot recommend enough.

When I'm overstimulated, I also can't handle being touched. I am picky about my clothes for that reason and literally have six of the same shirt at home that my husband got me for Christmas because I hadn't found anything I liked before that in a long-sleeved casual shirt. The feeling of my own clothes, my own fingernails, and my glasses can be too much after a certain point. I have a bad habit of biting my nails for that reason.

 

With building a career as a writer, what are some challenges you face due to your autism?

 

I know the story I want to tell, and I'm good at building plots and characters. But emotional description still eludes me. I'm still able to portray my characters' emotions through their words and actions, and I'm learning through practice how to use body language cues in the stories as well. But most people don't feel depression as a heaviness in their clavicle like I do, you know?

 

I've been told my writing style is pretty "just the facts," too. I'm not big on flowery descriptions. Maybe that's the bluntness I got made fun of for when I was a kid. But, hey, if you don't know the topography of the mountain, I feel like you can still enjoy the ride the characters living on it are going on!

 

What inspired you to become a writer?

 

I've been reading as long as I can remember. I used to listen to Dr. Seuss books on tape when I was a toddler, and I spent countless family reunions or social gatherings in a corner with a book. Part of that might have been the fact that I didn't know how to approach people and, after a certain point, was so tired of being left out and treated like I was weird that books were the better option anyway. Because I loved reading, I knew I wanted to create worlds like the ones I hid in. I started writing stories in elementary school and wrote my first novel-length story in middle school. It was always an outlet for me. In fact, there are several stories that will never see the light of day that were purely written as an escape or as a way of processing my life.

What are some challenges you face as a writer?

 

The hardest part of being a writer is what happens after you write your book. I thankfully have an amazing editor, my sister Bethany, and I graduated with a minor in editing and know how to format books. That part's not bad. But once I've published a book, it's my job to tell people about it. To sell my story. It's such an emotionally vulnerable act, asking people to come see a part of my soul. I've had to stop reading reviews because even one negative comment can send me into a spiral of self-doubt.

 

And marketing is a lot of work! I've had to practice getting in front of people and talking about my process. I've done a lot of events, and by the end of each, I'm both thrilled with how well the events go and exhausted by the emotional effort. I can actually feel my facial muscles giving out from pushing my smile into my eyes!

You have written about dragons and death in entirely different genres. What is your next writing adventure about?

 

This fall, I'll be releasing Mermaids of Europa, a scifi story about the first manned crew to Europa, one of Jupiter's moons. Good scifi usually has a message behind it, and this one, I think, is a condemnation of not counting the human cost in the race to be the first to do something, the race toward "progress" for its own sake. I think it's easy to look at a lot of current events and see a certain cultural callousness, you know? Oh, and it's also about space mermaids.

 

This one I'm particularly excited about because the main character, Zoe, is autistic. She's doing her best in space where she can't really use a weighted blanket and she's stuck with the same people for ten years straight, but it's hard, especially when she's already coming into the mission as a bit of an outsider. She's the politically-assigned diplomat who's supposed to reach out to the space mermaids to make first contact, so she's not a trained astronaut. But she is good at her job because she studied body language and other cues to help herself as she grew up and then used what she'd learned to make a career out of knowing the rules of interacting with other diplomats.

 

This is my first interview, and it went well. I hope to do more. I am trying to show that it is possible to live the best life on the spectrum with some understanding.  To do this alone is impossible, so thank you to Mrs. Shelby Hailstone Law for allowing me to do this interview with her. I look forward to her next book.

 

Unfortunately, it will take a while until I write my next blog post. I am currently in the middle of moving and need to focus on getting things moved and settled. Hence, the reason I’m not done reading Death Flirts Back. But I am on chapter 8 and rate it all stars. I will fly through it soon.

 

One final announcement! I will be moving this blog to a new location. This will take some time, but I am creating my imprint and website. This blog will be alongside my books under one name.