I want to talk more about the spectrum itself. In previous posts, I mentioned that autism is on a spectrum and
that not everyone on the spectrum is the same as others. I found
visual references that may help because just talking about it without
visual references can become confusing mainly because there are
multiple ways of looking at it.
Before I begin I just want to say that I found
these diagrams through google by searching “Autistic Spectrum”.
There are many more if you are seeking more of an understanding.
https://www.researchgate.net/figure/Autistic-spectrum-disorders-adapted-from-17_fig1_343958142
This first one is the very first type of diagram that I was
introduced to. When I was in middle school and high school the only
way others described the spectrum to me is by describing, it as
being on different levels, such as the diagram above. This makes me
think of the different levels as different amounts. Higher
functioning people with autism have less autism than lower
functioning and lower functioning has more autism. That is what
others have explained to me about what autism is, or at least a major
part of it. After doing my own research and observations, I found
that there are in fact different levels of autism, as well as
different levels of the symptoms that can potentially come with
autism as well. Just because there are 3 different levels of autism
doesn't mean that you are strictly on one of them. One can have some
aspects of level 1 and other aspects of level 2, or 2 and 3.
https://carmenbpingree.com/blog/what-is-autism-spectrum-disorder/
Here is a chart showing some of the different possible conditions and symptoms that can come with autism such as Sensory.
For a lot of people on the spectrum, our senses are amplified. When I
say sensory I mean the human senses such as seeing, hearing, touch, and smell can be amplified to different degrees.
For me, it's hearing. I've always been sensitive to sound.
Growing up I always had to hold my ears closed while watching a movie
in the movie theater. Today I no longer have to do so thankfully my
hearing sensitivity has deluded a little, but even then loud noises
can still throw me off, such as fire alarms, and gunshots in an
indoor shooting range. For some, it's just the one that affects them the most but for others it
can be any number of senses or multiple, making it difficult to
function within the real world outside of their home, room, and
comfort zone. As human beings our senses are sensitive enough, just
imagine them being amplified 10 times the average norm. Every sound,
smell, or touch. Some people on the spectrum have to wear sunglasses,
ear protection, or whatever else there is to provide sensory
protection just to be able to function or get by in society.
Just think about a whistle. That sound on average already has a high
pitch but is just loud enough to grab your attention. Now imagine that
sounds like a shriek. Sounding as if you are standing right next to
the whistle that is blowing, except you are not. Or you watching TV
and it's as if you are sitting right next to the base speaker, except
you are on the couch away from the speaker.
Another is touch. For some it can be the simplest of
touches, such as a tap of the shoulder or touching an object, for
others it's feeling confined by a hug. A hug is one of those things
where your find relief from stress and more importantly connect with
others. In simpler terms, it's supposed to be one of the best things in
the world. Unfortunately for some especially on the spectrum can find
it confining and too stimulating. For me, it was very much like this
for a long time. I always gave sideways hugs and whenever I gave
full bear hugs it was because I was pulled into them. There were times
that I enjoyed hugs but then other times it was too stimulating. I
have gotten better at hugging over the years. A huge part of this is because I went Gluten and Cow dairy free. After a week or so of
staying away from gluten and dairy, it was as if a fog had lifted and
I woke up one-morning craving social interaction and couldn't get
enough hugs. This actually had become my main way of greeting my
friends in school because I couldn't get enough of them.
Eye contact, everybody loves eye contact. I don't know why.
I personally find it overwhelming. “Look me in the Eye.” Have you
heard this phrase before? I find this demand very annoying but for
some odd reason, people find it difficult to believe that you are
listening to what they are saying without having to look them in the
eye. Needy Bastards! Due to this being required by so many people
during social interaction, I had to force myself to learn how to make
eye contact and become comfortable with it. Besides, who's going to
teach me? For people on the spectrum when looking someone in
the eye they find themselves staring into an endless tunnel losing all focus and train of thought. I guess that gives the phrase
“losing oneself in your eyes” a whole new meaning. It's like
looking through those toy scopes that you turn on one end and see
multi-colored patterns shifting and changing. I mean everyone's eyes
have multiple colors even when they are promptly one color they can
still have the smallest specks of other colors just around the pupal.
The combination of colors reaching your pupal creates a tunnel
effect. It also has been said that “your eyes are a tunnel to your
soul”. Because of this, I find it odd that people desire eye
contact so much. Is it not easier to say “look at me face to face”?
Or do you just desire that I look into your soul in hopes to find
what you are trying to tell me without saying it out loud? I'm sorry to
break it to you, but people on the spectrum are very direct, so if you don't say it, we are most likely not going to get it. I'm autistic
and not a psychic.
Perseverative Thinking is another. I had to look this one up
because I've never seen the term Perseverative Thinking before. Soon
as I did I found that one of the things that I go through myself.
Here is the definition from understood.org: Perseveration
is when
someone “gets stuck” on a topic or an idea.
You may have heard the term in regard to autism, but it can affect
others, too. People who perseverate often say the same thing or
behave in the same way over and over again. But they can get stuck on
their emotions, actions, and thoughts, too. https://www.understood.org/en/articles/perseveration-adhd-and-learning-differences
https://i.gifer.com/Cmxf.gif
I am not exactly
Sheldon from Big Bang obsessing over the fact he forgot his flash drive
but that is exactly what perseverative thinking is and I have
defiantly been through this on multiple occasions.
For several years the only thing that you needed to know about me was
that I am into horses and
JK Rowling's Harry Potter series, because that is what I was stuck
on. Or sometimes I will get stuck on a goal. My parents use to tell
me to not walk around with blinders, and at the time I didn't quite
understand what they meant, plus I'm also quite stubborn. I do
understand now but I still, feel that if I don't allow myself to get
stuck on an idea or goal then I will lose track of it and myself.
Perseverative Thinking is one of those things that one has to learn
how to control, if even possible. At least that is what I have found
in my own personal experience. I had to learn to break away from
certain topics such as equestrian sports. Throughout my childhood, I
wanted my own horse farm and become a professional hunter jumper, and
then riding instructor. Unfortunately, that was not likely for me. For
one the whole idea scared the crap out of my mom because I have
hydrocephalus. She was always afraid to let me play sports due to
this. I did eventually take riding lessons but it was more focused on
being therapeutic than sportsmanship. I also competed in the Special
Olympics through middle school and high school from 2007-2012 after I
graduated High school. Unfortunately, it was not enough. My parents
had to talk me out of it. Eventually, I settled on the idea of
becoming a vet technician, (basically a nurse for animals). Decided
against that after I stayed with my aunt on her farm and one of the
animals got bit by a snake what the vet had to do to flush out
the wound triggered some really bad memories for me. Due to this, I
dropped the whole idea, finding myself clueless about what I wanted to
do. Either way, it took me a long time to not just figure out what I
want in life but also to control it. Another thing I always wanted to
do is live in Germany and spend time with my family over there and
attend University but that fell through because somehow I went from
being a vet tech to wanting to work in film and there weren't any
Universities that tough this near were my family lived. All of the
Unies (universities) that taught this subject are located up north in
Berlin, with no room and board, and my family lives an hour's drive
west from the French border. That would be a 3-hour train ride to
commute. What I am trying to say is, try not to get stuck on things
too much or at least try to be more selective on what you get stuck
on because you may just miss out on something that you may really
enjoy.
As you can see there is a lot to go over on the spectrum. In this
post alone I've only got into a third of the second chart and this
blog post is already 6 pages long. But don't fret I'll continue with this in my next post. I want to go over as much as possible but
due to it being so much information, I'm going to be talking about
this in multiple posts. Please don't overwhelm yourself with all of
the symptoms from every chart. Because one individual does not
necessarily have every single one. Once you learn about everything
that you need to, focus on yourself and or your child or whoever you have
on the spectrum, and get to know that person and their struggles.
This will take time. It took me and my parents a long time to figure
out how autism affects me and what to do about it. Also, there is a
really good book called Look Me in the Eye by John
Elder Robison. I
quite enjoyed it. I've also attached more charts that I plan on going
over here at the bottom.
https://embrace-autism.com/mapping-intensity-and-prevalence-of-emotions/
https://www.twinkl.co.uk/teaching-wiki/autistic-spectrum-condition-asc
https://www.lanc.org.uk/related-conditions/autistic-spectrum-difficulties-asd-adhd/
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