As
I continue from my last post, where I was commenting on how some
filmmakers are complete snack junkies, and somehow become unaware
of what is important to the project's budget.
There
were times were someone would request that I get something from the
grocery store such as sweet tea, I'll say gladly but won't be able to
until next week and they will give me the "how dare you say no" look on
their face. I'll be standing there thinking I was given a budget why
will no one let me follow it? Eventually, I was sent out to help on
set. It felt like a promotion to me except for more of a sideways
shift. As much as I appreciate my experience in the office I would
rather be on set where the action is and you can see everything
working in unison. My goal was to become a Director of Photography, so being out on set was so exciting for me. Plus I
found due to the overtime I got paid more than I did in the office.
In the office they had me work 10-12 hours a day, on set I found
myself working 12-15 hours a day.
The
paycheck went from $700 to $1000 easily, my body felt like it was
crumbling. Your mind and body get so exhausted from the 12-15 hours
five-6 days a week. You start to question whether it is really worth it, then
you convince yourself that it is just to see the end of the project.
Toward the end, I started hearing that they went over budget, but by
then there were only 2 more months to film so what was there to loos?
Then things started to fall apart for me. They began to treat me as a
day player or slot filler instead of a PA that began working during preproduction and continued thought. I was the first PA on the
project so why this sudden treatment of day player? While confused, I
found myself going from working every day to only working on days that
they needed me. Then there were a couple of days were I came in late
due to a flat tire. I call my boss the 2nd AD to let him
know what happened and that I was coming in late because of my flat
tire. He lets me know not to worry, to show up as soon as I can and
that he is going to make sure that I get my 12 hours of pay, I just
respond with Thank you, Sir. In the film industry, it is apparently standard to be quote on quote guaranteed 12 of pay even as a PA. At
least that is what people have told me throughout the project. Later
that day as I am at my post making sure everything is quiet I get a
text from the UPM with a photo of my time card that had a sticky note
saying fix this then her stating that she spoke to me once before and that I am not guaranteed 12 hours and that I am paid only by the
hour. I am very confused by this text from her just simply inform her
that it was my Boss the 2nd AD that arranged for me to
have 12 hours of pay for the day and that she should reach out to
him. She simply relies with "ok". Afterward, I noticed that my paycheck
was a little shorter than before. Not surprised by this I think
finally things are making sense now. Before people kept telling me
that everyone is guaranteed 12 hours even the Pas, but my contract
stated that I was paid by the hour. To me, a paycheck is a paycheck, and I was thankful for it but I also wanted clarification. So I went
to the accounting department and asked if it was true about the 12
hours. They informed me that it is not guaranteed but it is the
minimum that is being paid out to everyone. Glad of their clarification I just tell them Thank you and left it at that. I
didn't care about having a smaller paycheck. I just wanted what was
agreed to and people to be foreword with me. Two weeks after the text
from the UPM I get a message from the office again saying that the
Office coordinator wanted to speak to me at the end of the day. I go
to his office and the next thing I know he closes his door with a stack
of papers in his hand informing me that due to them going over budget, they are going to have to let me go and hand me the stack of papers
telling me that I am eligible to get unemployment. Crushed by this I
go around and say my good buys to everyone that I could, asking them
to call me if they need a PA then left. The next day I filled out the
unemployment paperwork and sent it out. Unfortunately, I never saw a dime of the
unemployment and became depressed thinking why did I have to pay the
consequences of their mistake?
As December came I was tired of feeling like crap and forced myself to
take the next step and called union 600 to ask if they can send
me the contract so that I can join. I was determined that this was my
next step.
Just
as I was reading through the contract to join the union, I found
myself re-evaluating my priorities. For an entire year, I worked 110%
of my time surrounded by fantastic people but also people who
only pretended to give a crap about you just because it may benefit
their career. Did I really want to pay $5,000 to join the union and
then forever pay $500 a year regardless of work with no guarantee of
finding work and be surrounded by strangers that only pretend to know
you and care about you? Did I want to give 110% of my effort and life
to working on other people's projects? Did I want to rely on others to
like me enough to keep me until they see fit to get rid of me?
Despite
the challenges I faced while working on these projects, I absolutely
loved working on films. Being on set and walking around a studio and
going to different locations was amazing. It was something new every
day. 100S of people working together bring a world from just an idea
to life and transfer it on a screen.
Apparently, it was not enough of a reason to stay on this career path for me. It
also made me feel like I was missing out on other things in life such
as spending time with my husband. Yeah that's right I have one of
those, and he is amazing. He was supportive of me working in film. He
has my back 100% of the time. Yet I felt like I was leaving him for
my career even though he assured me that will never happen. I didn't
want to work my life away just to find that I forgot to live my life
and that I had no family or friends left.
So
by the end of 2021 at age of 29 after busting my butt to get my foot
into the door of the film industry I change my career path. Even
though it was 100% my choice to do so it still felt like a slap in
the face. But working non-stop for a whole year made me realize
that I also had other goals that I was missing out on. I didn't want
to wake up and realize that I did nothing with my life except for
work. Yes, it's freelance and you can choose to work or not. But I
know myself and If I go down this route then I'm just going to be
living a stressful life of working non-stop, then if I don't get
anything lined up I'm going to be stressing out with finding my next
gig, and miss out on traveling and seeing my family. I canceled two
trips because of two of these projects. I wanted to visit my family in the USA and Germany. I even have extended family in the UK that I am looking forward to meeting. I know that they would understand
and don't mind but how many times would I be able to do so before it
gets out of hand, and no longer ok.
2022
begins and I am finding myself starting over again, and about to turn
30. It was like a flick of a switch. I knew that I couldn't go back
to working for someone else forever relying on others to like me
enough to keep me under their employment and provide me with a
paycheck. I reevaluated my strengths and
committed my time to my writing while at the same time starting a
business. It's been a goal of mine to write stories. IT just took me
a long time to admit it to myself which sounds strange I know but I
have been subconsciously writing the whole time I was working on film projects.
Now I'm finally admitting to myself that I am a stubborn fool and a
writer. It feels great to finally admit it. I even got one of my best friends involved with editing and it's been great fun working with her.
With a hobby in photography, I wanted
to finally start making money by selling my photos so I came up with
Naturally Nature Photography LLC with no previous experience in
running a business whatsoever. As I took a nose dive into my new
projects I find myself still needing a source of income so I began
Door Dashing on the weekends. This routine lasted for two months. We
were holding up alright but then when inflation hit, and gas prices
went up, dashing wasn't enough. Just as spring comes along I applied
for a job at Home Depot. With my husband working for Home Depot for
almost 7 years, I knew that they were a great company to work for
even if it's just part-time. Within days of applying, I got the job,
and I've been with Home Depot for almost a year now.
I
also started this blog in hopes of helping others understand autism
by sharing my struggles with being autistic myself. It has been one
of my goals to help those who are struggling, unfortunately helping
others got placed on the back burner until now, due to my previous
goals. Now that I have been focusing my energy on my projects, I
feel so much better and that I am finally heading down the right
path.
I
even became more organized with my work at home by writing down a
monthly schedule.
Having
a dry-erase monthly board has helped me so much I feel like I have
been getting so much more done than I intended. Before, I was
so worried that I would lose track of my goals and end up with an
endless pile of hobbies that will never be completed. With my ADD and
autism, I tend to jump from one thing to another and it worries me
that I will not get anything done and find myself in an endless pit
of unfinished goals. This calendar however has definitely been
helping.
This
past year has been nothing but a learning curb for me about my work
and myself. I am adaptive to anything that I put my mind to. I need to
keep telling myself that and stop wondering if changing my career was
the right thing because it was the right thing. I'm just beating myself up if I keep wondering. That's not doing me any good. I need
to keep being daring and challenging myself by going the long way and
the path less taken. Because this is my life and my life only. My
goal for 2023 is to keep going, keep learning, and try.
Happy
New Year Everyone and just keep going and don't give up.
Comments
Post a Comment